Disappearing Act: Anorexia Nervosa Indulge me. What you see is mirage, a swimming into tedium. Two weeks is all I need for craving to dissipate and perfection to settle in. Time stretches sharply into thin marrow, the space between lungs. Look away gasping into a split second, a vanishing. Substance. Simplicity. Ritual. Optical illusion. The difference between ice and bone. Awe can equal both horror and amazement. The blithe disbelief, the stares swallow me whole. Perceived applause for my oppressive self-control. Reluctance: Self-injury It is no more than accident really. Possession. She is a cruel muse that fishhooks me from the safety of void. Blade in hand, together we string symphonies in scarlet, salt and saline. Gushing. Beyond naked now, inside seeps out. Carving stars and stones into sleeves and bracelets. Resistance becomes habit, a ponderous guilt grows subtly into this maze of henna and scars. She and I become indistinguishable in our cages. To be reborn you must die. Blood is the memory of being alive.