Tell me about your family. We all have impeccable grammar. Where did you grow up? Under the dining room table with a white bed sheet for walls. Do you have any siblings? I dressed my sister in doll clothes. What is your first memory? Being scolded. What are you most afraid of? Being scolded. How many children do you have? A son. A daughter. Dozens of kids on the edge of the playground waiting for recess to end. Do you have any pets? The last dwarf elephant to survive on the island of Crete. Do you believe in God? Which god? I need a god who believes in me. Which is your favorite sin? Pride. I always aim high. Have you ever been arrested? To my shame, I have not. Tell me about your mother. She attended the school of discontent. And what about your dad? My father invented language. What languages do you speak? French, Spanish, Dog. What about English? I inhale and exhale it. How do you like your breakfast egg? In a Limoges china eggcup with a miniature silver spoon. Do you have a favorite color? Yes, but I can’t tell you which for fear of offending the others. What is the best thing that ever happened to you? That you care enough to ask me these questions. Are you telling the truth? No. Maybe.